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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
A man was sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hit him around the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied, 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
A man was sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hit him around the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied, 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14577
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear..
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers.. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers.. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14591
A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .'
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she responded.'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said. 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!'
'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .'
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she responded.'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said. 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!'
'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14616
Two couples were playing poker one evening.
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under
the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife wasn't wearing any
knickers! Shocked by seeing this, Jim tried to sit back up again, but hit
his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife
followed him and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £500.'
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
She told him that her husband Bob would be very busy with work on Friday
afternoon, and that he should be at her house around 2 p.m.
When Friday came around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp -
and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £500 - they went to the bedroom and
performed their duties to close their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly
dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his
wife: 'Did Jim come by
the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat She answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few
minutes this afternoon.'
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he
give you £500?'
Using her best poker face, she replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me
£500.'
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He
came by the office this morning and borrowed £500 from me. He promised
he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under
the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife wasn't wearing any
knickers! Shocked by seeing this, Jim tried to sit back up again, but hit
his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife
followed him and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £500.'
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
She told him that her husband Bob would be very busy with work on Friday
afternoon, and that he should be at her house around 2 p.m.
When Friday came around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp -
and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £500 - they went to the bedroom and
performed their duties to close their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly
dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his
wife: 'Did Jim come by
the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat She answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few
minutes this afternoon.'
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he
give you £500?'
Using her best poker face, she replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me
£500.'
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He
came by the office this morning and borrowed £500 from me. He promised
he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14636
My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet.
He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the chemist and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some 'Nair' hair remover.
At the register the chemist tells her: 'If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days.'
The lady says 'I'm not using it under my arms.
'The chemist says: 'If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days.'
'The lady says 'I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.'
The chemist says: 'Then stay off your bicycle for a week.'
He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the chemist and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some 'Nair' hair remover.
At the register the chemist tells her: 'If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days.'
The lady says 'I'm not using it under my arms.
'The chemist says: 'If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days.'
'The lady says 'I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.'
The chemist says: 'Then stay off your bicycle for a week.'
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14668
Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months.
He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes..
He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.
After about 6 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them..
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight,
But how do you know?'
Gennaro answers, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?'
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, 'Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?'
Rosa answers, 'Yes, Gennaro, I do, But how do you know that?'
He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?'
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played,
Gennaro asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red.
He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart,
Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight,
Please, please, tella me this true!'
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight.'
Gennaro gasps, 'Thanka God ...
I thought I had a crack in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes
He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes..
He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.
After about 6 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them..
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight,
But how do you know?'
Gennaro answers, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?'
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, 'Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?'
Rosa answers, 'Yes, Gennaro, I do, But how do you know that?'
He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?'
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played,
Gennaro asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red.
He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart,
Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight,
Please, please, tella me this true!'
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight.'
Gennaro gasps, 'Thanka God ...
I thought I had a crack in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14688
i don't read lotsa posts here, but i did read the one with the poker story, haha very funny Max
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.
VIVA LA ITACHI ... VIVA LA SAFLUKE ... VIVA LA ROSE http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14693
VIVA LA ITACHI ... VIVA LA SAFLUKE ... VIVA LA ROSE http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14693
No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi. 
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'
They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.
'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'
Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, 'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!!'
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'
They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.
'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'
Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, 'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!!'
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14718
A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect.
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephants trunk into his 'old fella'.
The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, 'That was incredible! can you do that again?'
With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse'
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephants trunk into his 'old fella'.
The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, 'That was incredible! can you do that again?'
With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse'
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/14739
Nice to see you still around ama 
.
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Cowardice (cow·ard·ice \ noun \ˈkau̇(-ə)r-dəs) :
Using multiple pseudonyms in forum posts to inflate the number of similar view or to conceal one's true identity.
Synonyms:
Pathetic, Fake, Duplicitous, Conviction-less, Just-Plain-Sad. http://nadirim.com/forum/post/15037
Using multiple pseudonyms in forum posts to inflate the number of similar view or to conceal one's true identity.
Synonyms:
Pathetic, Fake, Duplicitous, Conviction-less, Just-Plain-Sad. http://nadirim.com/forum/post/15037
I wish this was a joke but I'm afraid it is the truth. A man in southern florida usa lost his hand when he held a fish over a boat and an alligator took it. He was later arrested and now faces a jail term for breaking the law against feeding alligators. 
The Lord is my Sage I shall not die and even if I do, yet shall I live.
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/15933
http://nadirim.com/forum/post/16972